Ticking Biological Clock: Women vs Men – A Glance…

I AM very fond of children.

Having given birth to Adam 18 years ago intensified the maternal feeling in me thousand times over it seems.

But I remember was not really thinking of having another child then possibly due to the fact that I was busy with my career and John’s health. And that complacent idea that I would still have plenty of time…if I have a change of heart.

However, with John’s sudden passing it really hit me hard that my time and chance to conceive another child was almost up. It hit me so hard as I was consumed with regrets and a host of other unpleasant feelings. Though I am blessed to have a son. I wanted more. At least one more. I was so blinded with the thought of having another baby…

John and myself did talk of having another baby. A girl would be nice as we have Adam already. Then his health deteriorating slowly but surely and the idea was shelved indefinitely as John said he wouldn’t want me to raise the baby on my own if anything happened to him. He said it would be grossly unfair on him to put me through that…Very very thoughtful husband I have there…Always thinking of me first…way above himself…

I wasn’t planning to see anyone after losing John but the thought of being given a chance to have another baby turned into obsession. It was crazy obsession that I had a talk with my doctor on the pros and cos of me having a baby at my age and his answer was very reassuring then and I was filled with so much hope…

It was more than four years ago and the chance is getting slimmer now as I grow older as I am reaching my 50 fairly soon…

It was once again brought to surface when I met Jeff two years ago and we fell in love and talked of having a baby… Though after rational discussions we thought of shelving the idea aside first.

A few days ago I read somewhere about men who have bitter regrets of not having a child when they were still at the peak (hormones and health aspects) and left it too late that they are now struggling to conceive with their women.

The article also said that the ‘immature’ men left it to late to have a child. And most of them now live in regret. For the lucky ones they have IVF to be thankful for and to solve their fertility problems.

Felt a bit strange as a woman to read the article about how men are affected by fertility.

I have always thought that we women who are racing against time to be able to conceive our own child. That men can still have a child even when they are way into their 70s or even 90s…

Apparently older dads are more likely to pass on genetic mutations to their offspring than older mums, according to research.

And studies show that male infertility is behind half of all cases where couples fail to conceive after one year.

And if that’s not enough gloomy news, sperm counts in men worldwide have declined by half over the past 50 years and are continuing to fall. And all this while I thought I am having problem because I am a woman and aging…

However, when I said women. Not all women. I have many wonderful loving single female friends who don’t really care about having a child of their own and they live happily and to the fullest!

I am specifically referring to women who have similar inclination as myself that we have that inexplicable wanting to conceive, getting pregnant and (getting) unattractive in the process as we started to look like as if we just swallowed a balloon and couldn’t walk properly…lol!

The way my brother described my trimester pregnancy 18 years ago was akin to fat naked clumsy penguin who wobbled around to get one point to another! Hahahaha

Despite the highly unattractive description, I still wanted to get pregnant…

That is until recently when my rational thinking started getting hold of my crazy impulsive heart. It is now a more or less the resignation to the fact that I may not have another chance to get pregnant.

Even if my body is still healthy, that my reproductive system still in great condition, there are other factors that I need to think about, apart from that all-consuming need to get pregnant.

Sure I was feeling a bit sore and unhappy with the stark reality of my advancing age. And I am not talking about getting old here. I am proud of my age. I have no problem of getting old and I would love to grow old gracefully. Just one regret though. Getting old means slimmer chance for me to conceive…

I may look and feel like in my early 40s but numbers don’t lie. Someone said to me a few days ago that I don’t look my age. But when I kept insisting on my real age he said that age just numbers and not to worry about it. True. But for women like me, age represents more than just numbers… It represents diminishing chance of so many things that we are passionate about… like having another child…

I am blessed though. Apart from Adam,  I have four other children –  Sarah, Azri, Ika and my little 2 year old munchkin Ainul –  whom I  dote on and love unconditionally though they are not biologically mine. They are my children. Five of them…

I know readers out there may think I am crazy and out of my mind with all this thought of getting pregnant at my age… Lol!

I guess you are right to a certain extent. I can be a little bit crazy! I do! And that what makes me a unique person, just like the rest of you out there… A