Lost in my own disappointments, I looked at everything negatively. Not even cuddling and kissing my favourite distraction (my 10-month-old niece) could shake off the deep sadness and pain inside. Though I’d rather not disclose on things that I was disappointed at, but you can rest assured, most of them were centered around self-blamed.
I know. I am not alone. Everyone faces disappointments in life, both large and small. I would try my best not to sit and mop around and complain or whine about my problems to the immense irritation of others. But It was hard. All I wanted to do just to wallow in my own sorrow.
They said you need to get off your butt and do something constructive or fun, because life is a limited window of opportunity, but it almost near impossible. And you really don’t want to waste your time on what doesn’t work. Better to seek out other opportunities or find a positive distraction. Agreed. But it also very hard to accomplish. Especially when you’re drowning in your disappointing bubble.
Apparently, disappointment can help build up our character and patience if we allow it to. Learning to deal with your disappointments constructively can make you a stronger person in the end. But surely, it is easier said than done.
How about our old coping strategies. Everyone has them. Do you reach for a pint of your favorite ice cream or withdraw into a room all alone? Do you get drunk and try to forget? Or do you let out that huge almost-uncontrollable cry while listening to some sad songs?
In my current foggy state of mind, I managed to list out a few tips that might help us dealing with our disappointments:
- Acknowledge what we are feeling – We can try to honestly express the emotions that we are experiencing without blaming others or punishing everyone in sight. I know it is damn difficult. But this is about how you feel about the situation, not about other people. Learn how to articulate our feelings without attacking others. And try your best to be always be respectful, but do not be afraid to let them know precisely how you feel. Your feelings are valid and if you do not voice your opinion then you will begin to harbor resentment and stress yourself out.
- Put and keep things in perspective – Even the tiniest of disappointments can seem monumental at first. But once you have expressed your hurt, frustration, or anger, take a step back and look at the larger picture. How much of an effect is this disappointment going to have on you tomorrow, next week, or next year? Breathing deeply is an easy thing to do, but one of the first things we forget to do when stressed. Take a deep breath and go for a walk to get some space and time to help put your disappointment into its proper perspective.
- Do not doubt yourself – Sometimes disappointment can make you feel like a total failure. You may wonder why these things “keep” happening to you, or you may begin to think that you were not being wise to get your hopes up in the first place. But none of that is the truth! Do not succumb to this thinking. Do not allow yourself to give in to these negative thoughts! Remember, disappointment is not unique to you.
- Look for solutions or compromises – Contrary to popular belief, you cannot have your way all the time, but often there will be a second option that is agreeable to each party. Again, take a few deep breaths, relax, and look for the “silver lining.” It is possible to find something positive in almost every situation.
- Reassess and make adjustments, if necessary – Sometimes when you experience disappointment, it may be a sign that you need to re-examine your priorities. Depending upon the degree of disappointment that you are facing, you may need to make minor or major changes to your life. Learn to be flexible. Refocusing your attention on your new goals will help you work through your disappointment.
Successful person just don’t quit. They learn from their failures, mis-steps and disappointments and go on to achieve their goals. We should not allow disappointment to lower our self-confidence.
This not to say that you need to ignore your feelings, but that you can learn how to deal with your disappointments effectively, so that you will be able to move on to bigger and better things sooner.
They also said that you can become your own biggest motivator! Never underestimate the power of encouraging yourself by saying, “I can do this. I can make it. I will get through this!”
There’s an old saying that “one of God’s greatest gifts is unanswered prayers.” You must have experienced this in your life at least once. So the next time you don’t get what you want, remember that what you wanted may not have been what you really needed. A