Forgive And Forget…
THEY say to err is human, to forgive divine. But new research has revealed that excusing people who have hurt you can actually boost your health. Researchers found those people who let go of their anger were less likely to see spikes in blood pressure.
I am trying to apply this into my life. Funny sometimes when I think about those who hurt me either intentionally or unintentionally, the pain was still the same.
Granted, a few have really hurt me and I found myself feeling so sad, angry, or bitter that I could barely concentrate. Any time I saw that person – or even just any time I close my eyes – all I could do was to replay what happened and wallow in all of my sad and bitter feelings.
I keep wondering, would there be any time soon when I could move on with my life and learn to move past the pain. Logically, I have to make a choice to forgive and forget. But seriously, its easier said than done.
After pouring through endless articles on related issue, I list out a few reasons here on why we (you and I) should forgive someone even if part of us don’t want to.
- Forgiveness doesn’t mean what happened was OK, and it doesn’t mean that person should still be welcome in your life. Forgiveness just means that you’ve made peace with the pain, and you are ready to let it go.
- Forgiveness is not something we do for others – it’s something we do for ourselves. Not forgiving someone is the equivalent of staying trapped in a jail cell of bitterness, serving time for someone else’s crime. You have to make the choice to either dwell on the pain cause by others or you want to forgive and move on.
- Gandhi once said “The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” It takes a strong person to face pain head-on, forgive, and release it.
- Forgiveness isn’t always about others – it’s also about forgiving yourself. Guilt never makes anyone feel better. So always remember to forgive yourself and move on.
- To forgive someone is the highest, most beautiful form of love. You might just find that you get a sense of peace and happiness in return
If none of the above seems possible to you, then you might want to take the advice of Oscar Wilde, “Always forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys them so much.”
Additionally, here are eight strategies to free you from your resentments starting today!
- Say a prayer – Whenever angry feelings about a person who’s harmed you enter your mind, tell yourself: “We are all good, loving souls who occasionally get lost.”
- Focus on gratitude – Resist seeking happiness from the outside in. Instead, focus on gratitude exercises to bring happiness from the inside out. If you allow your self-image to be at the mercy of unpredictable events and unreliable people, your happiness will be forever on a chaotic roller coaster ride! Happiness must always be an inside joy! It is good practice to purposefully end your day this way to keep focused.
- Look for the lesson – Many Buddhists consider huge difficulties to be a sign you’re an old soul — the bigger your misfortunes, the closer you are to enlightenment. Whether you believe this or not, it’s certainly cheery to reframe all your life’s bad events as tests of your character. If you feel particularly tested right now, ask yourself what the heck you’re being tested for! Patience? Compassion? Resilience? Forgiveness? Open-mindedness? What strengths must you develop further? Now consciously go out there and develop them!
- Maintain perspective – If you’re going through a challenging time, remind yourself that this specific event is merely a part of your life — not your “whole” life. Consciously keep this “slice of life” perspective, and don’t let the event overwhelm you. As the song goes, “The best is yet to come!”
- Learn the lesson – Develop a “student not victim” mentality. Vow not only to disentangle yourself from emotionally harmful situations, but also to consciously avoid similar situations in the future.
- Let go of resentment – Recognise that when you resent someone, you are not only hurting yourself, you’re also giving this person control of your emotions — and you don’t want to give this person bubkes!
- Stay centered – Recognise that when you respond with hate to hate, anger to anger, bitterness to bitterness, you are ironically becoming part of the problem. Choose to resist becoming like them and instead put in the conscious effort to remain a loving, soulful, happy person.
- Get revenge positively – Contemplating revenge? The best kind of revenge is living a successful, happy life. If you train yourself to consistently be more loving in thoughts and actions, your energy will attract more positive people and positive results. As Albert Einstein said, “You can’t solve a problem by staying in the same energy in which it was created.” To stay focused on highly positive thoughts. A