Heartbreak… How To Cope

painDEALING with a breakup always sucks.

Have you ever been tempted to take a sick day post-breakup? I did. And we’re not alone. Apparently a whopping 76 percent of people say that being lovesick after a breakup is understated and that it can lead to major emotional and physical problems.

Hey, I am sure anyone who’s been a sobbing mess with zero appetite like we were, after a split, can totally vouch for this.

Whether it’s an amicable breakup or a horrible, crash-and-burn situation, we have invested a part of us into another person it is hard to accept that it is all dead and gone. Brain-mapping studies have shown that the same regions of the brain are activated when an addict is going through withdrawals as when someone is going through a breakup.

And whether we like it or not, the show must go on. We have to try to get our focus back, try to find our bearing again so we can start living again. Painful. Yes. Hard. Yes. But try to focus on something dear to us. Those who love us unconditionally. Could be our parents. Or our child who needs us more than anything in the world. We can’t possibly let them down. Or close friends. Or return to God, your Maker, as your respective faith taught you. Anything or anyone that can help us shift the feeling from utter despair and hopelessness to start counting the blessings we have around us. I know it is not easy. I have been through that. But eventually, with lot of perseverance you will find that it can be done. It will be a slow process though. Won’t happen overnight.

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Understandably, there are hundreds of articles dedicated on this subject online. However, after perusing some of them, most advice are basically based on common sense. But then again, when you are feeling excruciating pain, that your world is crushing down, and there’s no tomorrow, common sense have, for practical purpose, left the building, a while ago. And I decided to compile and simplify them for you guys – just in case you are interested.

Here are some of the points being list out to help us cope from painful break-up

  • Contact purge — Block them everywhere: Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Skype, Snapchat and your phone, along with unfollow on Tumblr and Vine.
  • Lean on loved ones — For me, that’s my cousin sister. Tell them what happened and cry to them; they will help you to feel better and remind you of your worth through other’s eyes when you can’t see it yourself.
  • Controlled mourning — Instead of trying to be tough and burying your feelings, allow yourself to feel it all. Call sick into work or work out of your home. Cry a lot. Let yourself feel the flood of emotions and allow yourself to go through the five stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally, acceptance) without the risk of going off like a loose cannon in public.
  • Work through our issues — Learn how to channel your anger toward the breakup in a healthy way, whether it’s through music, writing, exercise, or some other outlet.
  • Turn our loss into a learning experience — Although you’re unable to alter the past, you can always learn from your mistakes.
  • Remind yourself of all the great things in our life — Painful breakups can cloud your thinking so that it’s almost impossible to look beyond the immediate feelings of pain and loss. Remembering our blessings, small and big, can help to even out our moods and get us get back into a more positive head space.
  • Acknowledge our last relationship’s positive aspects — Despite the break up, there were reasons we stayed with them for so long. Try a writing exercise and jot down some of those positive aspects.
  • Rediscover and reinvent ourselves — Spend time with people who love us for who we are. Get a new hairdo, go on a trip with friends, lose some weight, or just catch up on things you’ve always wanted to do.
  • Give Back — Performing acts of kindness towards others can help us improve our well-being and help relieve depression. Giving back is a powerful way to rechannel the love, that was previously funneled into the relationship.

Sure, search engines are great, but it can be a mistake to rely on them for relationship advice. Not all information online is reliable, or even accurate.

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Here’s are the biggest mistakes most us, women and also men, make after a breakup, as well as how you can avoid these pitfalls:

  • Mistake #1: You demand closure . A huge mistake we make is reaching out to an ex to try to get validation and closure. If your ex wants nothing to do with you or has already moved on, you might end up feeling worse than you already do. Another reason to cut ties is to give yourself and your mind, time to heal. The more you’re talking to or seeing him, the more your brain is engaging with your ex.
  • Mistake #2: You try to go it alone. Hey, you may be single, but that doesn’t mean you have to deal with the breakup on your own. Just make sure you’re not venting to everyone who will listen, or you’ll burn through friends fast.
  • Mistake #3: You blame your ex for everything. Just try to consider why you stayed with him or if there were any red flags you ignored so you can learn from your mistakes.
  • Mistake #4: You try to work through it too much. A a little distraction is healthy during a breakup. Or the other times when you’re tempted to call your ex or check his Facebook, do something else as they will take your mind off the temptation.

Sure, that during a break up it can feel like the rug has been pulled out from under you. In order to make things feel a bit more in control, it can be worth setting a routine for yourself. Whatever will help you get a bit of stability back in your everyday life.

If things don’t get better, you may also want to consider visiting a counsellor — they’ll be able to guide you through finding ways to cope. Also check out some of the signs of depression and visit your GP if you’re worried. No matter what, you will feel better in the end but it will take time and a strong support network to fully heal. A

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