C’est La Vie…

HOW would you know when your relationship is over?

What are the signs? Do you still try to save it? Or try your best to move on?

What would you do if the other party is giving you a silent treatment despite your numerous attempts to reach him?

Honestly, the misunderstanding was way too small to break a two-year relationship.

But then again that’s what I think. Not what he thinks. And there’s no way I can read his secretive mind. Is it still worth to fight for? Wasn’t it like fighting a losing battle from the get go?

These are the questions that swirling in my mind in the past several weeks when someone I love so much suddenly disappeared from my life. I was left in the lurch. Dumbfounded was an understatement. I was totally blindsided.

He was such a big part of my life. He was there when I went through my roller coaster ride in the past years. He was my strong pillar in the past two years. Supporting me all the way.

He would be the first person I called to cry and to share my happiness with. He. Always.There.

There’s a big possibility that he is going to read this eventually. But I am not writing this for him to read. I am writing this to unload my pain. As I have said last year, writing is my therapy…

You, yes you who read this. I cherished all the moments we created together. I am learning to let go. Because I believe things happen for reason. Though I can’t, for the life of me, to guess what’s behind all this pain that I went and still going through.

Sincerely, whatever you are up to at the moment, I am wishing you all the happiness that you can possibly find. Things that you can’t find when you’re with me.

Someone said to me recently. “B, people change and you can be happy if they change in the same direction.”

How true. May be, just may be, we both have changed in the course of two years together and in the end you want something that I or our relationship can’t provide. And… That’s why you go away.

Yes there were moments when tears just rolled down on my cheeks thinking about you. But those moments are rare and far in between now. Not because you are that easy to forget. You are damn bloody hard to forget…

But my priority is to be on my top form for my baby Adam and my other children and it surpassed my need to whine and mop the floor missing you.

You would want me to take care of myself regardless. Even if the pain is caused by you.

And no I don’t have any bad thought about you. Not you. I have passed that bewildering phase, anger, hurt and then that excruciating pain. At the end, I cherish our time together and a big thank you for the time we have shared and the smiles you gave me. With your unflinching support, I am standing on my feet again now. Because of your constant presence in my life, I am ready to fly again.

It would be my fondest wish that you would still be here now, watching me to soar again so I can fly back to your strong and supporting arms. However, the choice to stay or not to, is entirely up to you. And by the look of things now, you choose not to be in the picture anymore. And I totally respect your choice.

Remember I said to you that one day I would love to write about you and us on this blog. Never, in my wildest imagination that I would do it today but for a very sad and painful reason.

With that note… Wishing you all the best… And as for me, life goes on…C’est la vie…A