Long Distance Relationship… Not A Walk In The Park
JUST imagine this scenario, you and your partner were planning to meet on the specific time frame and place.
You’re building up your anticipation (not to mention mental planning) and you have been dreaming about it for as long as you can remember. Then, your hunch was telling you that he might have had to postpone it.
You’re losing sleep wondering about your hunch. Then, bam! The next morning he confirmed your worst fear. He couldn’t make it (for the trip) as planned. He had to postpone it.
In your tears you marvelled on your own hunch’s accuracy. Despite a few thousands miles between you and your partner, you have developed such emotional closeness that you could actually feel when something went amiss.
Not a big problem right? People cancel their meetings/dates all the time. You both could always make another plan to meet. Easy peasy right? NOT.
Not when you are in a long distance relationship, in different continents. Not when you have already waited for more than a year to meet up.
Million things raced through your mind. All the insecurities came up to the surface. A lot other stupid assumptions and all weren’t pleasant. They’re killing you inside. You’re bleeding and hurting inside.
You felt paralysed and couldn’t function properly. Especially when meeting him was one of the things that kept you going and looking forward to, in your sad little life.
At the same time you kept telling yourself that you are old and matured enough to face disappointment. But let’s face it. Disappointment was still a disappointment regardless your age and maturity. Tears would flow. At least for the next several hours if not days as you nursed your bruised heart and emotions due to the cancelled/postponed holiday with him.
This was the tricky part. You’re aware that the cancellation was due to something very obvious and valid. But due to the separation and distance, a lot of assumptions (mostly negative) like I mentioned above, started to creep into your mind…
You started to look deeper inside you to find something to help stop the hurting. Tried to pick yourself up when all you felt was hurt and unpleasant all around.
True that you’re able to video chat each other every night without fail from Day One. This definitely help in making you as a part of each other’s life despite the physical distance.
But your mind and emotion argued that video chat/ live video wasn’t the same as being physically close. And then you cursed yourself even more…
When you just experienced a disappointment, it was hard to convince or steer your mind to see all the positive things that you have in your relationship.
Granted he is not there to greet you, hug you and kiss you as and when you need him. But he’s always there online after work asking about your day. He’s always there when you need him and his helping hands on things despite the distance. And a video chat before bedtimes. Always. Every night. That your and his life are intertwined so deeply into each other. And as you started thinking about all the good things that you and your partner have, the hurt (and disappointment) slowly dissipate…
Inevitably, there are a few things you want to keep in mind in order for your relationship to be successful. I am not saying that this list below will work wonder on you and your relationship but just take it with a pinch of common sense and use it to help strengthen your own relationship with your partner.
- Respect yourself and respect your partner – In relationships, we all want to feel loved and respected. Feeling respected helps us to trust, love and understand our partner better. Hence, choose your words carefully when speaking to each other, don’t lie to your partner or break promises and be willing to show each other consideration or compromise.
- Stay positive about your relationship – Long distance relationships are not easy. There is lots of waiting, planning, stressing and sometimes there’s lots of disappointment. Do not dwell on those disappointments or setbacks. That is the surest way to go about crumbling your relationship little by little. Majority of all failed long distance relationships are caused by disappointing setbacks. That is why it’s so important to always stay positive about your relationship and your plans to be together. Keep looking forward and realistically reshaping your goals no matter what obstacles you face.
- Spend as much time together as you can – Spending time together doesn’t have to mean being physically together. Even when you’re far apart, make it an active goal to stay connected and do things together through whatever mediums you have available. Skype, Facetime, WhatsApp, Hangouts, Viber and other applications are awesome ways to spend time together even when there is still distance between you. Your feelings can easily fade if you aren’t staying connected in some way, even if it’s small.
- Be creative and keep it fun – Am not sure how to be creative and keep it fun when you are not physically together. But let’s pretend that we can actually do it – be creative and keep it fun. Let’s plan to have fun dates. Send one another care packages, open when letters and gifts. Leave love notes in unexpected places when you visit, or leave them voice messages that they can listen to whenever they want.
- Be forgiving and ready to compromise – This is one of the hardest aspect when you are in long distance relationship. When you are physically apart with thousand miles in between you, mistakes, arguments and disagreements can sometimes seem to blow out of proportion. Being stressed about the distance can make things seem a lot worse than they are. Always be willing to step back, take a deep breath and evaluate any bad situation fairly.
- Make decision and plans together – Avoid drama by coming up with a plan with your partner. Take one another’s
feelings, thoughts and concerns into consideration. All major decisions, including when you’ll close the distance, who will move where and how often you will both visit, will need to be agreed upon by both parties.
- Communicate often and be open – Don’t expect your partner to automatically know what’s bothering you. It’s hard enough to mis-communicate when you’re close – imagine how difficult it would be when you’re bother so far apart. A good relationship takes a lot of understanding and communication – Being in love with your partner does not mean that all will run smoothly. If something is bothering you, vocalise it. Missing each other? Vocalise it. Let each other know how you are both feeling so there are no assumptions or misunderstandings.
- Don’t isolate yourself from other people – Missing your partner is normal but you shouldn’t let the longing keep you from living your own life. Branching out and keeping yourself active because it will enrich your relationship with your partner.
- Be romantic – Creating romantic moments in your relationship is something everyone thinks about doing, but few people actually do it. Use the long distance as an opportunity to tap into the idea of romance by surprising your partner in new ways. Have flowers delivered to their house, write love letters or play piano while having live chat.
Last but not least, really appreciate what you have. At the end of the day you have someone who loves you and is waiting for you and the time when you can both be together again. Distance is hard yes and it’s easy to dwell on that fact, but don’t forget to appreciate that special person who loves you enough to deal with all of the inconvenience of a relationship like this one… A