Falling In Love With Older Men
THE hearts wants what it wants. Love knows no bounds and no limits. True love can conquer anything, right?
We hear this so often, in love songs and movies, read it in books and say it to our friends. While most people would agree on principle, the reality often looks different. Birds of a feather flock together for a reason: choosing a mate that’s similar to you in upbringing, race, class and age prevents a whole lot of misunderstandings and problems.
And yet, you may end up in the greatest relationship you could ever have imagined.
I have been married to a man 30 years older than me for years, and we love each other fiercely until Alzheimer’s Disease robbed him and us some sort of normal life. He passed away in my arms almost four years ago.
Like any relationship, ours had its ups and downs, most of them not age-related. But in case you might be falling for an older guy, here are a few of the highs and lows of loving an older man you can look out for:
There will be countless variations of “cradle-robber/gold-digger” jokes in your life from now on. Get used to them.
‘Living in the moment’ will take on new meaning: You don’t plan for life after retirement like some of your friends do – by the time you can retire, your husband will be 85. Instead, you live in the now, which in your case means going on lots of spontaneous breakfast-and lunch dates, turning down extra shifts to spend time with him, and to take the dream vacation you always wanted to go on. Because you know that time is limited.
You want to tell them: “It’s true love! And he isn’t rich!” But you don’t. Because over the years, in many encounters like this one, you have learned the golden secret: what they think doesn’t matter. You know the truth, your close friends and family do, and everybody else is unimportant. So you smile a private little smile to yourself, and simply say: “Exactly. Age doesn’t matter.”
And most likely you will experience a variation of the following scenario, and you will get a kick out of it:
You will benefit greatly from his age advantage. Trouble at work, a fight with your parents, a problem that seems insurmountable? He has been there, done that. Not only can you learn from his experience, he is also here to tell you: It is not as bad as you think; everything will work out.
Your circle of friends will encompass all ages, which is a beautiful thing: From people your own age to people of his, their children will range from babies to adults. You get the best of both worlds!
You know how the story ends. He has seen the beginnings, middles and endings of relationships, marriages, and people. It may sound cruel, but life is a circle, and he has seen it a few more times than you. You are more aware of its existence, which gives you more time getting used to the idea and to make your peace with it.
Even now that I am moving on with my life the way John would want me to do, subconsciously I find myself gravitated towards those who are in their late 40s and above. Now I am in the late 40s myself and find that communicating with men my age and above are much more rewarding emotionally. No offence to younger guys, my taste have matured…
Here’s the reasons why;
- He’s mature – Men age like a fine wine. It takes awhile, a long while in fact, for a man to mature. When a woman finally meets a “real” man, she’s very happy because she has waited so damn long for those sour boy grapes to mature into a luscious, velvety virile gentleman. The Nickelodeon Channel, UK found that men don’t fully mature until they are 43-years-old, which turns out to be 11 years after women mature. So imagine how much more mature a man is, ladies, he’s ripe for the picking.
- He’s got gray hair/balding/receding hairline – Gray is all about being more distinguished, intelligent, dapper, and wiser (that’s because he is!) than their younger male brethren. I find receding hairline or even bald guys are sexy too. Losing hair as your grow older is inevitable. If anything it will only show you are of a matured person and it is highly appealing. If there is any doubt about gray’s hotness values, just take a quick glance at the current G Team: George Clooney, Jon Stewart, John Slattery, Anderson Cooper, Jeff Bridges, Barack Obama, to name just a few. Gray is the New Black.
- He’s better in bed – Awww! Awww! Awww! These men are not in a hurry. He wants to please you, and takes great pleasure in making sure that happens. He also knows there is a lot more to do in the bedroom than just regular intercourse. Yes, Mick Jagger, they can get satisfaction, and that’s because, at the end of the night, they have satisfied partners (us) to prove it.
- He loves kids, but doesn’t burden you with his own (if he has any) – With that said, when it comes to kids, these men understand, on a deep, fundamental level (if they are worth a damn, that is), that kids come before everything else in life, including ourselves. Most guys in their late 40s and above, that I know, love kids. Trust me.
- He makes date plans, and sticks to them – How many times have you waited by your smart phone to get a text on where, and when, you were going on a date with a guy? That almost never happens with a guy in his late 40s (and if it does, run away!). His work schedule is usually full, so he doesn’t have time to constantly shift around the time and date of his dates. He wants something to look forward to, and when to look forward to it. Do you know why? He’s got gray hair (see Reason #2 above).
- He’s physically fit – Sure their knees creak a little more, and backs are a tad stiffer, but if they take care of themselves, which many of them do, they can be in just as good a shape as their younger counterparts.
- He’s financially stable – You don’t have to worry if he’s going to pick up the bill on the first date, nor do you have to be concerned about his desire for you to be his next Sugar Momma.
- He knows he’s gonna pay on the first date – He’s going to pay. It’s that simple. He asked you out. He pays. He knows that. How? When he was a boy, growing up in the 1960s, his parents taught him how to be a gentleman. In order to be a true gentleman, he learned to hold the door for a woman when she enters a restaurant, and when the bill comes, he grabs it, with relish.
- He’s well-traveled in the world – There is nothing worse for a well-educated, well-traveled woman than to have a date with a man who has never been outside the area where he lives. Not necessarily the world in the literal sense but at least get out of your comfort zone. Read a lot of books is a cheaper alternative.
- He doesn’t want you to mother him – This man is not looking for a woman to mother him. He wants to be with women who are his partner, not his parents. He wants a woman who is independent, intelligent, fun, passionate, and compassionate. Yes, surely they love their moms – all good men do. They just don’t want you to be theirs… A