Reality Bites

TEARS rolling down my cheek this morning. After being on the high in the past few months, today I have just broken down and cried…

It was a reality check for me that I am still on my baby steps to be fully independent and to be on my feet  as strong and unshakable as I can be and as I want to be…

There was a tinge of tiredness in my psyche and that pertinent question of when all this will end… Haven’t I being careful enough with what I did and do…

But I guess the mess from the past was so huge that despite my best efforts I would fall whenever I make a slight wrong step…

It is hard. So hard.

I wish I can call my baby Adam to unload my chest. But haven’t I done enough of that in the recent years? Haven’t I cried too much on his shoulders too?

He is still young despite his maturity and understanding. It is not fair for me to turn to him every time I feel down and broken on my own here… I know he wouldn’t mind and he would listen to me and he would comfort me with his wise words beyond his 18 years of age but I thought…not this time.

Hopefully I can still contain this to myself without involving my baby…

However, after a good cry I managed to find my chirpy cheerful self as I was getting ready for work.

Strange as it sounds that my work and the thoughts of my children who live hours away and the new emotional journey that  I am currently experiencing are the drugs that I am addicted to, keep me on the high… even when other things fall apart…

For that alone…I am thankful and grateful. Thank you God. I have still a lot to be grateful for…A