When “I am really sorry” Just Doesn’t Cut It…

AT my age I never thought that I could act so callously, carelessly and selfishly. Without any regards of feeling of others. 

Especially to the ones who really care about me. The one who have my best interest at heart.

But I just did. For months I just ignored this special friend of mine.

In my selfish mind I was thinking that he was busy over there and I was busy here. So it was okay for us not to communicate.

Then he sent me Friendship Day ecard. It came into my inbox. Went unchecked. He emailed me his European trip itinerary. I read it without replying. Then he sent me birthday ecard. I saw but didn’t opened because I was so overwhelmed with my current predicament then and  it was several days off my birth date.

Why am I writing all this?

To wallow in self-pity? Or to punish myself for behaving so obnoxiously? Perhaps. Both. And more.

Our friendship has lasted more than 3 years. He was there when I was on my downward spiral. He was there when I was crying after getting upset with my mother. He was there to tell me off (in his very polite way. He is one gentleman) when he thought I was over my limit. He was there when I was crying my heart out facing the trials and tribulations of being a single mom…

He was there to tell me to behave and not trying to be nasty against others.

He. Was. There. 

And I know for a fact that he loves me and really care about me. If I can name one person in this whole world who loves and cares about me, apart from my son and family. He is. Complete with my quirk, flaws, nastiness, foolishness and teeth-gap! 

And yet I hurt him horribly…

From our first chat in two months last night I knew he was and still deeply hurt by my actions.

And I know for a  fact that my repetitive “I am really sorry…” just doesn’t cut it. Not this time. A