When Writing Is Hard…

quote-writing-is-a-combination-of-intangible-creative-fantasy-and-appallingly-hard-work-anthony-powell-50-25-73WHEN I wrote a post on writing is a form of therapy back in October, I honestly believe that no matter what happens, all I have to do is to keep writing, then I will be okay.

That it doesn’t matter that your emotion is running haywire. That it doesn’t matter if your heart is heavy and sad. That it doesn’t matter that all you want to do just to disappear from the face of the earth…

I am sure friends who have been following my blog did notice that I haven’t written much lately.

Initially it was due to the fact that I was bogged down with work. Handling shipment of furnitures to USA wasn’t something I was familiar with.

It was a totally different world for me. It didn’t help that I am into details and take pride in my job. I needed to make sure I did everything perfectly or at least correctly! And when you have a tall order (of perfection in your mind) in a totally new world/environment, you’re in for a disaster.

I was so caught up with worrying about everything from production to shipments and all the documents needed to be readied in between. I was stressed and depressed.

It was inner struggles that I had to go through daily in most of November. It wasn’t that everyonewriting-is-hard-work-generating-stories-that-catch-peoples-attention-and-holding-it-are-very-quote-1 pressuring me. It was me who was doing all the unnecessary pressuring. It was madness.

By the time I got home I was totally whacked and drained. And it continued for weeks.

But after a talk with my cousin sister, it did help me in easing out from the stress that I went through. Slowly I learn to relax and not to worry too much on things that were/are beyond my control.

Almost every night I stared at my computer screen, trying to find ways to start writing. On anything. Just write. To get inspired.

I remember Danny enquired often if I was writing anything for this blog. And my answer was “No Danny, I am not writing tonight…”

Then I was whining to Jeff about my inability to write something interesting, his answer was “You are not working with The Star anymore. You don’t have deadlines to meet. Just write as and when you feel like it. Don’t pressure yourself… That’s the wonderful thing about blogging… No deadlines no pressure…”

But quietly I was struggling and managed to complete a few posts that have been drafted a few weeks ago including Baju Kurung and Me, Adam 2 and Songket…

My biggest problem of writing is that I need to feel what I am writing about. If it is a sad thing that I am writing at that particular moment I need to feel it in my bones. Tears in my eyes. If it’s happy moment then I need to feel the smile on my lips while I am typing the words.

I put down my words only when I feel strongly about what I am writing. Otherwise it would be a boring rambling and definitely make an equally boring reading…

And there are still several incomplete posts in the queue… Waiting for me to get inspired again… And it is hard to get inspired when all I feel inside is despair and sense of uncertainties everywhere I turn to… A