Women From Venus… Really?

women3-1SURE, there were times when we girlfriends got together over coffee or tea and munching our snacks away and this question popped up, “Why men can’t simply understand us?.”

And we, as a woman, eventually asked ourselves, what do we really want from our men.

And for me? I want a partner who cares. I don’t want perfect partner; I want man who is striving to be his best self. Do I really want someone who has every step of his life pre-planned? Not really, but I want  someone with drive and with goals, because (the drive and goals) make him super sexy in my eyes. He has also have to be someone who has the courage to be emotionally vulnerable in front of me when he needs to.

And yes girls, we can spend hours on end pouring over all the lists of articles (and advice) being put up online by various relationship experts on how to navigate men-women love relationship. But if we look at them carefully, all them are based on very basic common sense.

But seriously from personal experience, when love cupid strikes, common sense is thrown out of the window. Or when the delicate-and-often-inexplicable feelings involved, every aspect of our life would be clouded — to a certain extent.

Sure we do have our share of getting our hearts stomped and shredded to pieces at one point in our life. But men do too.

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Seriously though, what we women really want in relationships are really quite simple.

Yes we know we’re complex creatures. And, true, we operate on a different wavelength than men — especially when it comes to relationships. But women aren’t exactly the great mystery that men often make us out to be.

Here’s a compilation of a list of things we, women, want, based on my own experience and what I read over the years. Not necessarily in that order. But all are equally important:

  • Respect — Show us through your actions that you respect our opinions, careers, interests, friends, bodies and minds. You don’t have to agree with all that we say or do, but try to honour our opinions as valuable contributions. Treat us as you would like to be treated: Be honest, fair, kind, and considerate. And allow us to be nurturing. We, women, are born with innate desire to nurture. We want to see that you trust us enough to open up to us.
  • Sex. Yes. We Love Sex — To some of us love equates sex and vice versa. To feel sexually desired. But, remember that there are four bases to cover in the bedroom, not just one. Try stopping at each base instead of being so focused on the home run— believe us, we’ll thank you for it! Likewise, remember small physical touches like massages. When women feel loved, they relax and open to their partners. The arguments dissipate, the sex is abundant, and their nurturing feminine energy flows throughout our lives. Not feeling loved is the subtext of every argument that we have.  Learn to see through our words, actions, and moods and see what the real root of it is.
  • Romance — Please continue to treat us like your girlfriend, even after we become your wife. Date nights, making out in the car, kissing like when we first started dating — all of the things that made us fall in love with you don’t have to stop just because now there are bills to pay, a house to be cleaned. Bring home flowers for no reason. We’re not talking expensive bouquets of lilies (my favourite flowers by the way) here. Even a stalk of rose from the supermarket is enough to make us smile. Simple isn’t it? men2
  • Make Time For Us — We understand relationships isn’t bed of roses; but please try making the time to be with us and treating us like your top priority says “love” more than all the fancy gifts and lovely letters ever could. This includes helping around the house. If you take the garbage out without being asked, or throw in the laundry into the machine, chances are you’ll be getting a big smooch when you come back. Possibly more…
  • Appreciate Us — Remind us that you love us. Women are vocal creatures. We know you love us, but it’s nice to hear you say it, too. We can also be insecure. Tell us that you appreciate what we bring to your life. Show us how much we mean to you. Please don’t take us for granted. Simple act such as you greeting us at the door after a long day with freshly baked crumpets with butter oozing out of the plate and marmalade jar handy (or whatever you can cook up) will make me swoon…
  • Make Us Feel Safe — We need to have a safe space where we feel that we can trust you as our partners.  We want to trust your strength.  I want to feel like you can handle whatever I may show you. That you will not judge me if I ask  for something risqué. I also want to know that you won’t collapse in defeat if I tells you to do it “This way” instead. But seriously, guys, by creating a safe space for your woman to open up to you emotionally and sexually, you will be giving her a very powerful gift — you allow her to grow within your relationship and undo old emotional damage. Give us the love and support we need. Knowing that you’re coming at this with the same desires and energy as we are goes a long way to making us feel secure.women1
  • Be In Tune — Yes, in what we do and feel passionate about. You don’t have to like everything we like, but showing interest in our passions, be it career-related, a sport or a hobby, goes a long way. Listen when we talk to you. We’re not speaking just so we can hear our own voice; we want to connect with you and this is one valuable way we do this. This also means paying attention to the little things. It’s the little things you remember about us that’s so endearing.
  • Humour And Humility. These two tend to go hand in hand. Make us laugh. Be our favourite idiot in the whole wide world and we love you to bits for it. This doesn’t mean that you have to crack jokes or entertain us, but just being able to laugh at yourself is enough. Guys who take themselves too seriously bring everyone down.
  • See Us And Hear Us — We, women, want to feel seen. I want to know and feel that you hearing me, and being aware of my emotional. And no, I don’t want you to be affected by my emotional state, but I do want you to be witness to it. I am afraid that you have to constantly show me that at least one person will be witness to me and my journey through life. And that person is you.
  • We Can Count On You — Life gets pretty messy sometimes. When life’s unavoidable difficulties arise, do you fall apart under pressure or are you able to bend and not break? We want to know that you can handle it when shit happens. We also want to know that you won’t run and hide when we get a bit ‘too emotional’ for your liking. Ultimately, we want to know that we can count on you.
  • Motivate Us. Yes motivate us to do, be or achieve what we desire. Studies show that partners who prod each other to meet goals — in other words, don’t support lazy or bad habits — are ultimately happier than those who don’t hold each other accountable. Awomen4-1